Language Proficiency
Essay Writing II
Correction of pages for response guides
(assigned reading for next time)
•  Causal Analysis (38-53) •  Proposal to Solve Problems (76-80)
•  Argumentation (94-112)
Paragraphs & Coherence
Purpose of the Paragraph
•  Paragraphs give structure to a text--they
show the reader how the intellectual
content is organized
•  One thought/idea per paragraph
•  Each paragraph should have a clear topic
Topic Sentences
The topic sentence,
•  Provides a theme for the paragraph
•  Can be seen as the thesis of the paragraph
•  Is usually (but not always) the first
sentence of a paragraph
Why an American Revolution?
The Revolutionary War started on April 19, 1775, when the British army
attacked Lexington outside of Boston. Paul Revere rode through the night,
woke the Bostonians up, and entered the American pantheon of mythical
heroes. The British were defeated, temporarily. The conflict deepened,
though the thirteen colonies still did not want to declare war but wished
instead to remain loyal. What were the causes that had led to this conflict?
The French and Indian war (1756-1763) became a decisive factor in
bringing on the Revolution. The war made the thirteen British colonies unite
against an outside aggressor. Colonists became trained at warfare and their
self-confidence grew. They discovered as well during these seven years that
the British who were put in command were often less competent than their
own men. Another consequence of the war was that Britain had emptied its
treasury in the war effort, and now George III demanded that the colonies
contribute to the expenditure and the upkeep of new land acquisitions.
To a great extent the American Revolution can be blamed on the British
ignorance of the atmosphere in the colonies. The colonists had for a long time been
used to a rather far-reaching freedom. Regulations set up by the mother country
were badly enforced and there was room in the colonies for individual initiative. As
a result the colonists were more or less content with their lot. They wanted to be
able to manage their own affairs; there was as yet little desire to leave the empire.
After 1763, however, Great Britain insisted that the laws that had been largely
neglected in America should be followed. Parliament also introduced new taxes on
sugar, tea, lead, glass, and paint which hit American commerce harder than British.
The immediate reaction from the colony of Massachusetts denouncing taxation
without representation in Parliament was to contact the other provinces in order
to organize a resistance to the new taxation. John Dickinson (1732-1808) wrote
Letters from a Farmer in Pennsylvania (1763), arguing that English taxes and duties
were obstacles on the road to security, freedom, and happiness.
•  I.e. the idea that is developed in these two paragraphs is the same: the British
brought the Revolution down on themselves, by misunderstanding how American
life had developed in the colonies. Strictly speaking, these should really have been
one paragraph.
Coherence
Weak sentence transitions (or incoherent ideas)
—what is wrong with the following passages?
•  Gasoline is produced through the distillation
of crude oil. In the early 21st century, there
is an urgent need for new types of
propellants.
•  The aim of learning should be to develop
creative thinking. When it comes to the
acquisition of knowledge, the lecture is an
essential way to convey information.
Coherence
• 
• 
Gasoline is produced through the distillation of crude oil, and the
world’s supergiant fields of crude oil are nearly depleted. In the
early 20th century, therefore there is an urgent need for new types
of propellants. (Moved between two related ideas without a logical
transition between them, or a missing connective idea. Inserted
transition.)
The aim of learning should be to develop creative thinking . . .
When it comes to the acquisition of knowledge, the lecture is
an essential way to convey information . . . (I.e. two separate ideas,
two paragraphs)
Signaling coherence
Almost all relationships start out without any
friction. But eventually, the crushing force of statistics will
manifest itself, and the relationship will start to crumble. The
cracks are formed by the commonly known issues, such as
how the children should be raised, economical difficulties, and
who should do what household chore. But according to
psychiatrist Aaron Beck, these cracks are not the real reason
for why a partnership breaks.
Instead, Beck explains, the real problem is “the
fundamental difference in the way a certain situation is
perceived” ...
Transitional Devices (more comprehensive list than AW—
download from kurstorget)
To Add:
and, again, and then, besides,
equally important, finally, further,
furthermore, nor, too, next, lastly,
what's more, moreover, in
addition, first (second, etc.),
To Compare:
whereas, but, yet, on the other
hand, however, nevertheless, on
the other hand, on the contrary,
by comparison, where, compared
to, up against, balanced against, vis
a vis, but, although, conversely,
meanwhile, after all, in contrast,
instead, although this may be true
To Emphasize:
definitely, extremely, obviously, in
fact, indeed, in any case, absolutely,
positively, naturally, surprisingly,
always, forever, perennially,
eternally, never, emphatically,
unquestionably, without a doubt,
certainly, undeniably, without
reservation
To Show Sequence:
first, second, third, and so forth. A,
B, C, and so forth. next, then,
following this, at this time, now, at
this point, after, afterward,
subsequently, finally, consequently,
previously, before this,
simultaneously, concurrently, thus,
therefore, hence, next, and then,
soon
To Give an Example:
for example, for instance, in this
case, in another case, on this
occasion, in this situation, take the
case of, to demonstrate, to
illustrate, as an illustration, to
illustrate
To Summarize or
Conclude:
in brief, on the whole, summing
up, to conclude, in conclusion, as I
have shown, as I have said, hence,
therefore, accordingly, thus, as a
result, consequently, on the
whole,
To Prove:
because, for, since, for the same
reason, obviously, evidently,
furthermore, moreover, besides,
indeed, in fact, in addition, in any
case, that is
To Show Exception:
yet, still, however, nevertheless, in
spite of, despite, of course, once
in a while, sometimes
To Show Time:
immediately, thereafter, soon, after
a few hours, finally, then, later,
previously, formerly, first (second,
etc.), next, and then
To Repeat:
in brief, as I have said, as I have
noted, as has been noted,
Summary
•  One idea/thought per paragraph
•  Express the purpose of the paragraph in a
topic sentence
•  Use blank line or indentation to signal a new
paragraph (indentation is preferable)
•  Make smooth (meaning logically coherent)
transitions between paragraphs and ideas
Punctuation
The Comma, Colon, Semicolon, and Dash
, : ; –
Punctuation
•  Punctuation less rigid than before
•  Less punctuation
•  Comma to signal “natural” pauses; i.e. where you
would make a slight pause when speaking the
sentence.
NB! This doesn’t mean, however, that punctuation is
completely without regulations.
Why Punctuate?
Restrictive vs. non-restrictive relative
clauses:
1.  Barbers who are bald often recommend
cures for baldness.
2.  Barbers, who are bald, often recommend
cures for baldness.
3.  The sister, who had taken the course . . .
4.  The sister who had taken the course . . .
Why Punctuate?
•  The purpose of punctuation is always to
enable readers to see how your thoughts
are structured, to assist them in reading
the way you intended it. If unsure, keep it
simple.
Independent Clause (IC)
•  Independent clause = a string of words that
can function as a complete sentence in
themselves.
•  That is, an independent clause must contain
a subject, a predicate and express a
complete thought. (Knowing your sentence
analysis essential.)
• I walk. (IC)
• When we came home to our place. (DC)
Identifying Independent and
Dependent Clauses
•  When you want to analyze your sentences
for proper punctuation, e.g. when to use
commas and semicolons, or when you are
concerned about whether a sentence is a
fragment (i.e. not an independent clause, but
stands on its own), a good way to start is to
be able to recognize dependent and
independent clauses.
The Comma (,)
The comma is used,
•  to separate independent clauses joined by
a coordinating conjunction,
Coordinating conjunctions (used to link ICs
to each other)
For
And
Nor
But Or Yet So
(Mnemonic: FANBOYS)
•  E.g. He conceded the loss of the battle [IC], but
[CC] he had no intention of losing the war [IC]. Subordinating conjunctions (used to link
DCs to ICs)
after, although, if, unless, so that, therefore, in spite
of, despite, because, etc.
•  I will not go to the party [IC] unless [SC] I can
bring my stuffed parrot [DC].
The Comma (,)
A comma splice is when a comma is used
between ICs without a CC:
You couldn’t see a living soul around [IC], I had a very bad
feeling about this [IC].
A run-on sentence (fused sentence) is when no
comma or CC is used between ICs:
You couldn’t see a living soul [IC] I had a very bad feeling
about this [IC].
The Comma (,)
• 
• 
You couldn’t see a living soul around. I had a very bad feeling
about this. (IC. IC)
You couldn’t see a living soul around, and I had a very bad
feeling about this. (IC, CC IC)
The Comma (,)
The comma is also used,
• 
• 
• 
• 
after an introductory phrase or clause (optional),
Nine months later, she gave birth to an eight-pound miracle.
to set off nonessential elements (parenthetical use),
The daughter, Nellie, became a priest twenty years later.
between items in a series (last comma optional),
Karlstad’s main advantages are the beaches, the stores, and the bars.
between coordinated adjectives (does they meaning change if
you change the order of the adjectives?),
We entered a forest of tall, slender, straight pines.
The old iron lock broke easily. (cumulative adjectives)
Ackroyd Punctuation exercise punctuation suggestion + transitional
devices
There is a point, (1) for example [exemplification], (2) when the narrative looks
likely to become a saga of union and [addition] management, (3)and one in which
Dickens would repeat his often stated belief that the workers suffered just as much under
bad union representatives, (4) as they ever did under bad employers. (5) For [causality]
although [contrast] Dickens was accused of a form of “sullen socialism,” (6) it ought
to be remembered that he never espoused anything close to socialist principles; (7) he
supported the rights of working people to a proper education, (8) as well as
[addition] proper sanitation and housing, (9)but [contrast] he was an instinctive
conservative in social matters. (10) In particular his imaginative sympathy with the
individual victim, (11)like Stephen Blackpool, (12) quickly turned to hostility or anger if
those victims organized together and in any way threatened the status quo. (13) Hence
[causality] his treatment of the workers’ representative in this book. (14) When he
could not identify with the suffering human being, (15) then [chronology] he became
something of a disciplinarian. (16) In a similar spirit [similarity] he was not generally
opposed to the claims or methods of the more advanced industrialists of his period; (17)
he reserved his animus for the remnants of the aristocracy, (18) and for the government
bureaucracy (19) which seemed to be impeding “Progress” at every turn. (20)That is why,
(21) in Hard Times, (22) the satire against the employer, (23) Bounderby, (24) has very little
to do with his political or social principles and everything to do with his hypocrisy and
denial of his own past. (25) That in itself proves to be another aspect of Hard Times: (26) it
begins as an exercise in public statement but soon is enlarged to become a much more
vivid and ambiguous record of Dicken’s [sic] central vision of the world. (27)
Punctuate the following sentences using commas
1. He left the scene of the accident and tried to forget that it had happened.
2. Oil which is lighter than water rises to the surface.
3. Madame de Stael was an attractive gracious lady.
4. Nice is a word with many meanings and some of them are contradictory.
5. The contractor testified that the house was completed and that the work had been done properly.
6. Some people refuse to go to the zoo because of pity for creatures that must live in small cages.
7. Taxicabs that are dirty are illegal in some cities.
8. The closet contained worn clothes old shoes and dirty hats.
9. The uninvited guest wore a dark blue tweed suit.
10.
After surviving this ordeal the trapper felt relieved.
11.
Mark Twain's early novels I believe stand the test of time.
12.
December 7 1941 will never be forgotten.
13.
The field was safe enough wasn't it?
14.
Write the editor of the Atlantic 8 Arlington Street Boston Massachusetts 02116.
15.
He replied "I have no idea what you mean."
16.
After a good washing and grooming the pup looked like a new dog.
17.
Because of their opposition to institutions that force creatures to live in captivity some people refuse to go to the zoo.
18.
Men who are bald are frequently the ones who are the most authoritative on the subject of baldness.
19.
Vests which were once popular have been out of vogue for several years.
20.
As a celestial goddess she regulated the course of the heavenly bodies and controlled the alternating seasons.
21.
I hope that someday he will learn how to be polite.
Answers, 1-5
1.  He left the scene of the accident and tried to forget
that it had happened.
2.  Oil, which is lighter than water, rises to the surface.
3.  Madame de Stael was an attractive, gracious lady.
4.  Nice is a word with many meanings, and some of them
are contradictory.
5.  The contractor testified that the house was completed
and that the work had been done properly.
Answers, 6-10
6.  Some people refuse to go to the zoo because
of pity for creatures that must live in small
cages.
7.  Taxicabs that are dirty are illegal in some
cities. 8.  The closet contained worn clothes, old
shoes, and dirty hats.
9.  The uninvited guest wore a dark blue tweed
suit.
10.  After surviving this ordeal, the trapper felt
relieved.
Answers, 11-15
11.  Mark Twain's early novels, I believe, stand
the test of time.
12.  December 7, 1941, will never be forgotten.
13.  The field was safe enough, wasn't it?
14.  Write the editor of the Atlantic, 8 Arlington
Street, Boston, Massachusetts, 02116.
15.  He replied, "I have no idea what you mean."
Answers, 16-21
16.  After a good washing and grooming, the pup looked like a new dog.
17.  Because of their opposition to institutions that force creatures to live in
captivity, some people refuse to go to the zoo.
18.  Men who are bald are frequently the ones who are the most
authoritative on the subject of baldness.
19.  Vests, which were once popular, have been out of vogue for several
years.
20.  As a celestial goddess, she regulated the course of the heavenly bodies
and controlled the alternating seasons.
21.  I hope that someday he will learn how to be polite.
The Colon (:)
• Colons are (:) used,
•  after an independent clause that introduces a series of items,
A successful climbing expedition depends on three crucial elements:
physical skill, psychological strength, and the element of luck.
• 
but do not use a colon after a linking verb or preposition,
The items in my attic are: a box of chocolates, a pair of running
shoes, and an old feather.
The Colon (:)
• The colon is also used to provide a further
explanation to a noun:
• The friend provided great support: she always
took her time to listen to my problems. (explains
“support”)
The Semicolon (;)
Can function “as a strong comma or as a weak full stop” (AW 206).
Semicolons are used,
• 
to separate independent clauses not joined by a coordinating
conjunction,
For five years the painting was stored in the attic; even the artist
forgot about it.
• 
in series between items that have internal punctuation. The small reference library included a few current periodicals, those
most often read; a set of encyclopedias (the Americana, I believe);
several dictionaries, both abridged and unabridged; and various
bibliographical tools.
The Dash (—)
Dashes (—) are used,
•  to emphasize a nonessential element
(parenthetical),
The legacy of Adolf Hitler—Europe’s lingering
headache—has recently found new followers.
•  to summarize a sentence. Like a gigantic whale, a leviathan of aluminum
and jet-fuel, it sours the skies of the globe—the
Boeing 747 is an awesome sight.
King on writing
•  “[G]ood writing consists of mastering the
fundamentals (vocabulary, grammar, the
elements of style) . . .” (142). •  “If you want to be a writer, you must do
two things above all others: read a lot and
write a lot” (145).
•  “If you don’t have time to read, you don’t
have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple
as that” (147).